Tuesday, June 20, 2017

It Was a Dark and Stormy Night....

Day Six Tiny Writing Challenge

Someone apartment- sitting learns three unsettling things about the inhabitant of the apartment.

Ok, so I wasn't quite on board with the whole apartment-sitting thing, really. It was last-minute. A rushed request. But how could I say no. She was a close friend, and I had asked one too many times for assistance with my own dog's needs when I was away on assignment.

And really, what was the worst that could happen? She had DirectTV instead of cable? I could handle that. How about there wasn't any food in the fridge to speak of? Why that's what take-out and delivery were for! Ok, the towels in the bathroom maybe weren't fresh?

Naw, I could handle it. Whatever the crisis, the emergency, the need, I was there to help out.

I unlocked the door, twisting the key first right to hear the click, then wiggle, wiggle wiggle it a little and... I was in. The old darkened oak door swung silently shut behind me as I turned to drag my overnight bag into the living room. See. There was nothing to worry about. Not even a couch pillow out of place.

I wandered through the alcove into the tiny 40's style kitchen. Nothing in the sink. Nothing on the dish drainer. I popped my head into the fridge... bottled water, OJ, a small carton of eggs. Bread on the top shelf. A fresh bag of spring mix lettuce, cucumber and a tomato. And an apple. I grabbed the apple and crunched a bite as I opened the freezer.

Same normal stuff. Frozen pizza. Two Stouffer's lasagna dinners - perfect! Lasagna and a salad for dinner. Done. What else? Some Halo Ice cream, mm. And... a large silver cylinder. Before I could help myself, I reached for the cold, slick container and read the label. Halcyon Fertility Bank? First, EWWWW. Second. What the? Shuddering, I gingerly replaced it where I found it.

Well, you never know about people now, do you?

I wandered back to the living room, picked up my overnight bag and headed down the hall to the guest bedroom on the right. Nice. Full size bed, good. Warm quilt at the ready. Excellent. A good bedside reading lamp and table. Perfect. Even a small desk and docking station for charging my electronics. Though a little cluttered with papers, it was piled neatly to the side. So I unpacked my phone and iPad, plugging them in immediately. Done.

Unpacked my pjs and laid them out on the bed. What the heck, let's live dangerously. No need to wait politely for 8pm.  I undressed and donned the slightly frayed pj bottoms with a comfortable tee and a hoodie and thick socks, feeling immediately satisfied. Finishing the apple, I turned to head out the door and back to the tv and dinner.

My phone pinged for an email reminder. As I picked it up, I noticed a letter on the top of the paper pile. "Welcome, New Donor," it read. From the Halcyon Fertility Bank.


Ooh. Hm. I felt the familiar heat of red climbing up my throat to my face. Too much! TMI. I replaced the letter to the top of the pile, studiously ignoring my brain waves moving a mile a minute to get a handle on what I just read. NO. Not your beeswax, I reminded myself, and moved on to the living room.

That can't be unseen, but out of sight out of mind, my mother always said.

Trying desperately to erase the last five minutes from my mind, I plopped myself down on the couch and grabbed the tv remote. Perfect! Distraction.

I wandered through the tv screen cable guide, looking to see if she had CW on-demand so I could watch the latest Jane the Virgin episode.

BRrrrrring. BRrrrring. The landline rang insistently. Nope. Not gonna answer that. BRrrrring. Click went the answering machine, relaying my friend's hope that she was busy right now... yea right... harvesting eggs? NO. Stop. Planning IVF? STOPPPPPP... she couldn't come to the phone, but if you would just leave a brief message... click.

"Pick up. PICK UP," screamed a female voice through the voicemail line. "I know you're there! Pick up the damn phone!"

I froze and covered my ears. Not good. Not happening. Not listening.

"Pick up the phone you little piece of #$%&?! OK. If you think you can get away with this little game you're playing, you are sadly mistaken MISSY. Do YOU hear me? DO YOU HEAR ME???"


Oh Boy.

Have a Mysterious One :0

Monday, June 19, 2017

Sad, Sad Story

Day Six Tiny Writing Challenge

The girl voted "most popular" in your high school class: Where is she now?

"Sandra White" was voted most popular. Here is her story:

The Weekly Courier

Fears of foul play were realized yesterday when the bodies of Shelly Lou Holmes, 24,  and Lemar Watkins, 21, were found in an abandoned building on Route 7 West, just outside of Maintown.

Police suspect domestic violence and drug use, but the investigation remains active.

Shelly's mother, Sandra White, 44, has been caring for her 8 month-old granddaughter, Sunflower, the daughter of Holmes and Watkins, while waiting for word of her daughter's whereabouts.

At the time of his disappearance, Watkins was under indictment on two counts of drug abuse, with arraignment scheduled in Richelieu County Common Pleas Court.

Saturday, June 17, 2017

Merde Times Three

Day Five Tiny Writing Challenge

Three more ways to say "Oh Shit!"


Shato Mabel

Oh Shizzle

1. French, which I personally use and like lol

2. A family member's southern expression

3. The neighborhood kids used when my son was growing up

Have a Pious One :)

Thursday, June 15, 2017

From the Big Guy

Tiny Writing Challenge Day Four

Tweet from a famous dead person/person not on Earth

God: It's all good. It's alllllll good.
It all comes out in the wash. *

Amen, Brother.

Have a Spiritual One :)

*May be taking liberties here, as God may or may not be conceived of as a person. :)

Wednesday, June 14, 2017

Fire Traps and Rust Buckets Amid Other Vagaries of Life

Day Three: Tiny Things to Write About Challenge

Name the model and key details of your first car

Who would ever admit to owning a 1971 Ford fire trap Pinto in - what else? - "Pinto Blue"???
But I do.
I really do.
Admit it.
Proudly, even.

That car, however dangerous, however embarrassing, however... well however you want to describe it, was my soul for many years.

It carried me to school, to Friday night football games, to college.
It participated in many endeavors:
Chinese Fire Drills
Car Pooling to the audio rants of Imus in the Morning
706.3-mile journeys to/from Midwest to New England every summer and autumn
Laps around my first college campus's main drive to evade detection of said "illegal contraband of a weedy nature" (yep that's right, I'm loud and I'm proud, not gonna go for any political positions at this point in my life lol).
And it carried me East to where I wanted to be.

It was there for many of my most private and most public experiences, and it served me well. Despite the possible fire trap situation, I never had a day's trouble from my Pinto Blue.

Old Blue.

Have a Speedy One :)

Monday, June 12, 2017

Challenge Day 2: Bottle, Bottle, What's in the Bottle?

"Tiny Things to Write About" Challenge Day 2

We all have junk. List the items in your fridge you never use.

I like to think of myself as a pretty healthy eater.

There are some items in my fridge I rarely/never use. Why are they there? Some serve a useful purpose on the very rare occasion I make unusual food recipes, like the time I tried to replicate Chicken-on-a-Stick (successful) or Bibimbap (gave up, what the heck is this anyway? lol). Others? Not quite sure why they still share space with the bread and butter, you know?

While the challenge does not state this as an exploratory exercise, I still feel the need to clear the boards on what they were actually there for, in the first place.
This may explain a lot about me, come to think of it.
But I will resist.

Anyway, here's my list:

Korean BBQ sauce
Wasabi Paste
Can of Sardines
Dill Pickle Relish
Bread and Butter Pickles

What's in YOUR fridge? Hmm?

Have a Healthy One :)

Sunday, June 11, 2017

I'm Baaaack 😊

Notes from the Edge:

Woo Hoo! Celebrating my reinvigorated blog with a "Tiny Things to Write About" challenge.

That's ONE way to get my writing mojo going as I finish a young adult fiction piece I've been working on.

Or as my grandson Jack always says:
GO! 😊

Challenge #1*
Boil down Hamlet, Shakespeare's longest play to a tweet rant.
(Take THAT, Mr. Trump hahaha)

Danish Prince arrives home to find Hot Mess: father dead, mother remarried to the uncle, dynasty in ?. Chaos ensues avenging family, he dies. ☹️

Have a Good One :)

*Taken from the book "642 Tiny Things to Write About" by the San Francisco Writers' Grotto